Welcome to Scotland!

Well after many miles of cycling, lots of Sudocrem and a plethora of locations, we have finally made it across the border to Scotland. Go boys!!!!!!!

We set out this morning from Red Bank farm, Carnforth. Michael slept like a log and snored like a hippo all night and as a result has been nicknamed ‘Snora the explora’. I wil not be placing the head of our tent next to his in future. A silly mistake.

After waking up to a nice cooked breakfast made by lady muck, we were then interrupted by yet more interfering animals. This time a cow. With wind. From all directions. While I battled with the tents AGAIN!!!!! The boys got into their lycra, Michael going for his preferred girl pants and Joe for the first time opting for the blue shirt which he deemed a fashion disaster. Throughout this time, the aforementioned cow continued to suffer with vile outbursts of wind, farting and burping all over the shop and noise polluting our otherwise quiet Camp. Naughty cow. Michael meanwhile has made friends with the chickens who seemed to want to spend their days walking around his feet.

It was evident that I needed to leave camp. The madness was all too much and I felt like I had been sucked into a you’ve been framed animal special. So after having to straddle the roof rack once again, and packing up the car I drove off and met the boys at the top of Shap fell. 1,000 foot climb- which left the boys’ tender buttocks in need of a well earned rest.

Michael, you’ll be glad to know made it all the way, following Joe who found it strangely enjoyable. We stopped at a pub at the top and Michael had homemade Shap Cumberland sausage while Joe opted for a toastier. The sausage had a positive impact on Michael’s bowels which remained intact throughout the second half of the ride. There was no bottom wind today but a lot of head wind.

I decided to leave them to continue their ride and headed off to Gretna Hall Hotel who have offered us free 4* accommodation and a complimentary breakfast. Big up Gretna hall. However, my petrol light came on and indicated that I only had 50 miles of fuel left, so 25 miles later I pulled in to the nearest petrol station. It was closed and boarded up. The next nearest was in 20 miles, giving me 5 miles to spare. It was closed due to a technical error. Then with only 5 miles fuel I risked it to the hotel in fear of running out mid-Gretna. Luckily, when the boys arrived we risked again driving to a new petrol station, so fuel tank full and panic over.

And in other news:

A) There have been no vehicle punctures. However, it is possible that Joe may have punctured the air bed having woken up on a half deflated rubber flump of the airbeds former self. We are hoping it is a valve. If not, this will have been the third air bed belonging to Joe’s parents that we have punctured in the past 2 years.

B) Nobody has reversed into Joe. He is unsure of how to react to this.

C) Since Arriving at Gretna Green I have seen 3 weddings and as we are staying in the original wedding house, the place is steeped in history.

D) We also saw a crazy man on a massive unicycle

E) The in car washing line is a welcomed new addition for the support crew and has enabled very quick drying whilst in transit. The open window approach is very effective, however, I can now only see man pants when I look in the rear view mirror. This is not good.

Bottom update:

Both bums are doing well, both a little tender. There is possibility that there may be some bruising but judgement will be reserved until the morning.

Relationship between Joe and his bike: Harmonious

Relationship between Martha and the tents: volatile.

Relationship between Joe and the air bed: Deflated

More news tomorrow.

p.s.  We have just realised that the blog has an automatic function that displays adverts relevant to the blog the content.  We have just seen an advert for a radio controlled fart machine...